Is Your Workplace Toxic?

Posted on August 31, 2018August 31, 2018

We spend the majority of our time and energy at our careers. Therefore, a really important question you need to ask yourself is, “is my workplace healthy for me?” Here are some ways to help you answer this question:

Fear

Is your workplace characterized by fear? Do you and your co-workers live in fear of making a mistake? or Does your work place see mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn? Does it foster a sense of security? Where you can challenge yourself to grow and take risks? or Is it marked by anxiety; where you live in a state of fear that you will be reprimanded, ridiculed or fired for any misstep.

Workplaces that are covered with fear are missing the opportunity for growth, improvement and harmony. People need to feel safe, to be willing to take risks and think outside of the box. When we are in a state of fear then we are not willing to take risks; it’s unsafe.

Another consequence of a workplace cloaked in fear is that people are unwilling (because they are scared) to take responsibility. Employees feel unsafe to admit when they have made a mistake or things didn’t go as planned; no one wants to be accountable. To save themselves people blame others and “throwing others under the bus”. This is not a supportive environment instead it pits everyone against each other, as everyone is in fear/survival mode.

Let You Shine

Does your place of employment recognize your strengths, and let you shine those strengths! Are you empowered to be creative, to use your strengths, to try something new because you know you are good at it? When we are allowed to shine it benefits everyone. For example, if you are really good at writing reports are you given the opportunity to demonstrate a new format for yearly reports or is that “not part of your job description”. Do your co-workers and superiors recognize your strengths and foster your growth?

When we are allowed to shine we thrive. When we feel that we are respected, and our talents are being utilized we are more committed; we feel like we have purpose.

Focus on the Positive

Does your workplace focus on the negative or the positive? Yes, I understand things go badly, but do they focus on moving forward, or do they focus on the negative and keep you there. For example, when something goes wrong do they take a holistic view, or do they continue to focus on what went wrong rather than what needs to happen to improve? Is it more about reprimanding people and keeping them in line or is it about moving forward?

Even the overall feel of the place, are people more likely to speak negatively about the organization and coworkers or are they more likely to have positive things to say. Does the energy of the place feel heavy and dark or is it generally light and enjoyable?

Valued

Do you feel valued? Do others on your team make you feel valued no matter what your role is, from Executive Director/CEO, to the mai room or admin staff. All people on the team have value, and the whole organization would not work if everyone wasn’t doing their tasks. If people on the bottom of the totem pole are treated poorly because they are considered replaceable this helps to create the fear I already talked about. It also causes issues at the foundation of the organization. A strong foundation is the building block and if that is shaky because employees are not valued at this level then it will crumble.

Can you Communicate Honestly

Are you able to communicate honestly with others on your team? There is nothing worse than having to censor yourself because your honest communication is not welcome. Of course, we need to choose our words, and be professional, but if we are not able to be honest, this weighs on us. Lying takes a lot of energy and requires us to constantly be on guard. If we are not able to have honest communication in our workplaces it adds a lot of stress to us and the overall feeling of the organization.

There are always things that can improve, and if you feel that you can be honest and open about it then you are more invested and feel valued by the organization. Even tough conversations are easier when we can be honest!

We spend most of our time at work. Shouldn’t our workplaces be overall a positive experience for us? If you find when you are reading this that your workplace might be toxic for you, then you need to ask yourself ‘is this job more important than my well-being?’ You can imagine if you are feeling it is toxic then others are too, and you have the power to change that, even if that means you just change your own perceptions, perspectives and attitude!

3 Ways to Bring Back Balance!

Posted on August 21, 2018August 21, 2018

Last week I talked about the issues with work~life balance and how that imbalance is unhealthy for us. This week I am going to give you some tips on how to create that balance for yourself.

Prioritize.

Make creating balance a priority. If you do not set balance as a priority you will easily fall back into familiar patterns and let your work take over your life. There are a few ways you can do this:

Set a schedule to help yourself build a new habit. Make a weekly schedule every Sunday for the upcoming week. Schedule in your work time and then schedule in the rest of life. Put in hobbies, family time, you time and anything else that you want to include outside of work. By scheduling it, you are committing to doing it, and showing how important it is to you.

Make a priority list. Write a list of all the things that you want to do, all the things that you have put off because there are “not enough hours in the day”, and start working on the list. Commit to yourself to do at least 5 things on the list a week. Make sure your list is not just a list of chores but fun things too!

Clock Out.

When you leave work, clock your mind out too! Practice mindfulness and be aware when you are thinking about work out of work time, and gently bring your mind back to the activity at hand. Whatever you are doing stay in the present with your attention focused on the activity. Even if that is just watching TV, do it wholeheartedly! This will also be a good time to notice how often your thoughts are straying to work. If you find you are starting to think about work, remind yourself that you want balance; bring your thoughts back to the present activity. If something really important comes to mind and you are unable to refocus yourself, then write yourself a note to look at tomorrow on work time, then go back to the present activity.

Start Re-Defining Yourself Outside of your Career.

Do some soul searching and look at all the things you are outside of your career. What other parts of you are there in the shadows that are not part of “work” you. This is a great time to look at hobbies that interest you, social groups, or classes that spark your curiosity. Do things that have nothing to do with “work” you. For example in my ‘spare’ time I used to read books on psychology, or social programs that had to do with “work” me. Now my hobby is my photography which has nothing to do with coaching, but lights my soul up.

Also, try playing with your communication, when people ask you what you do? Try answering with something other than work or at the very least put work last. Instead of I am a social worker, nurse, accountant, executive, lawyer etc, try answering with “I am a mother, daughter, wife, photographer, artist, musician (or other hobby), then end the sentence with “and a social worker, nurse, accountant, executive, lawyer etc. This may feel really hard and you may get some looks. By changing our language, we change the message we send to ourselves, this simple step helps you realize you are more than your career. You have many roles start highlighting some of those!

This can be challenging, a lot of us love our jobs, but the thing is we are more than that one role. We need to start defining ourselves as all of who we are, not just our careers. I know since I have found balance and made these changes I feel more complete. I no longer define myself by my career and that feels amazing!

I completely understand that many of you have important jobs and when you are reading this you might be skeptical, you might be saying “my career is important”, “I need my job to live” and those are probably true, but YOU are also important. Your job may come and go, if you restrict the definition of who you are to your career, then you are missing out on all the other wonderful aspects that are a part of you, too! Not to mention if there comes a time when you want to make changes, if you have completely defined yourself by your career then you won’t be able to see beyond that; to other possibilities and opportunities. We are all constantly growing, and life is ever changing we need to be able to be all of who we are not just a single aspect!

Work~Life Balance-What’s That?

Posted on August 7, 2018August 7, 2018

This is something that I hear a lot about. Many organizations, in the human services world especially, promote a healthy work-life balance, but what exactly is it? And do you have it?

Most people I come across do not have good work-life balance. Instead, they have a work-life and an exhausted-just-surviving-life balance. So many of us over identify with our careers and we feel that this is the way to a happy life. Now is the time to get the promotion, get the raise, get the accolades, then later when you retire or take a holiday, you can have the life balance. The thing is, this is not healthy. We cannot put our lives on hold or just survive in our lives for the sake of our careers.

Our lives are lopsided with a ton of our energy going to our jobs and that means there is little energy left for all the other areas of life. As a result, relationships, family, ourselves, all suffer for the sake of our careers.

When we put our lives on the back burner we tend to cause ourselves a lot of grief.

TOP 3 WAYS WE CAUSE OURSELVES GRIEF

Guilt

We feel guilty because we are not totally there for our family, friends or ourselves. We feel guilty and we shame ourselves about not being a good mom, not having a clean house, being a sucky friend, being a distant wife, being a busy Aunt. We feel guilty and we say things like “there is not enough time in the day”. We try to placate ourselves stating “Things will get better, I just need to do (this) to get ahead, to get the promotion, or get the raise, then I will have time.” This doesn’t usually do too much to quiet the voice in our heads that is telling us we are sucking at life outside of work, that we should be more social, should be a better mother, daughter, wife, should be a better friend!

It’s a vicious cycle really. The more guilty we feel, the more we turn to our careers because at least there you don’t feel so inadequate. At least there you are not feeling so guilty and shameful!

Over Identify with our Career

It is no longer a career, it becomes who you are. I know, I am guilty of that! In the past, I was Tara who was a human services worker not Tara who worked in the human services. Can you relate?

We are not our jobs! Yet so many of us feel we are. I think we get this way because we pour so much of our energy into our jobs that we feel it is who we are. Now I am not saying that it is bad if you love your job but when you are your job then that is unhealthy. If you sit and ask yourself ‘Who am I?’ and all you can come up with is your career, then that is unhealthy. You are so much more than that! The more we over identify with our career the more we feel we need to push ourselves to do better. Because now it defines us, so we better do a good job. This is when we work longer hours, we take our work home with us (maybe not literally but mentally), we focus all of our energy on work. This puts us in a very risky place. If, for some reason, we lose our job, or can no longer do it, we are faced with an identity crisis! Who am I if I am not a nurse, accountant, social worker, therapist, etc. The thing is, you are more than that, but you have created this imbalance and your life is work!

Stress

When we do not create a balance between life and work we do not give ourselves time to decompress. We are stressed all the time. We feel overwhelmed and exhausted because we are not giving ourselves the time we need to relax and enjoy life. Instead we work 8 hours or more, then come home and our mind is still working – not to mention the guilt that I already spoke about is causing even more stress. When we do take time for self-care (if we do) it is half-hearted and there is guilt that we should be doing something else. This is incredibly stressful and takes a toll on our health both physically and psychologically. We need balance to be healthy, we need balance to thrive in life!

Are you recognizing yourself in some of these? If so, you are not alone. Our culture focuses on our careers. What is one of the first questions you are asked when you meet someone? Usually it’s “What do you do?” We are taught that there is value in certain careers and that our careers are important. The thing is, that is only a part of who we are. I challenge you this week to honestly look at your life and ask yourself “Do I have a work-life balance?” Or is my life lopsided?

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