Where Did All the Unicorns Go?

Posted on August 16, 2020August 16, 2020

So lately I have been doing some healing work with my inner child and my adult Self around play. IT has been a struggle for me because I have forgotten how to play, not saying I don’t have fun, but it seems there is always a reason or purpose behind doing the things I find fun. When I do the work to uncover a disowned part of myself, I dove headfirst into playing.

First, of course, was the analytical … how can I play? What do you do to play? And this led me to reflect on how I played when I was a kid and observing how my niece and nephew played. And I realized a lot of it was around imagination. OK great, start imagining, I thought.

So I tried and let me tell you it was like I malfunctioned!

There was fear, (panic really) and judgments galore. I dove deep into the feelings and what I realized is my adult brain could not compute imagination. It needed a purpose to imagine, ie visualization. It needed something plausible, it did not like anything non-logical and nonsensical. Which is exactly how children play.

Think back when you were a child you had a magic toy that could do magical things. Or you had tea parties, and you completely imagined the tea in the pot and the glasses. It didn’t need to be there because in your imagination it was there.

My adult brain did not like this and when I tried to imagine scenarios of like me being swept off my feet by a prince and riding off into the sunset like a princess. My brain was like “NOPE”. It couldn’t let go of its grasp on reality and wanting to figure things out. It went straight to ‘how is this going to happen?’. ‘where could you meet a prince’, logistically ‘how could they sweep you off your feet?’.

I found all of this interesting and it got me to thinking, what happens to us that we lose our imagination. Is it gone, or does our mature brain just poke so many holes in our imaginations that it eventually ceases to exist? Or maybe it is that we are ‘smart’ now and we KNOW that there is no tea in the pot. Either way, I found it sad really that I could no longer imagine and play with stories in my head.

As with all my personal healing/growth work, I persevered and am happy to report the other day when I was swimming, I imagined I was a mermaid! So slowly but surely my imagination muscle is being flexed and I can play a bit more.

Now you may be thinking why would I want to pretend to be a mermaid, or that there is tea… I am an adult! I get it, it does sound weird but there are wonderful things that we can do with our imagination muscle that we are limiting ourselves from doing by keeping this part of ourselves suppressed.

Wouldn’t it be nice to instead of on your commute home you could imagine a fairytale story rather than running through your to-do list or judgments about your day? Wouldn’t it be nice to, before going to bed you could imagine anything that you wanted? What if instead of concentrating on self-judgment and internal dialogue you could create fantasies in your head that were probably never going to happen but you could just do it … for fun? What an escape that could be to have the freedom to just imagine anything, and oh your inner child would love this experience.

Play and imagination I have found are essential parts of living authentically, to owning all of who you are, to being creative, and to finding hope. See in our imagination we can disconnect from whatever stresses we are feeling and whatever negative anxiety-producing stories our mind is feeding us and instead focus on something magical, something fun, something non-sensical, something that can make us laugh and smile. We can use our creative mind to create positive outcomes, instead of the negative ones it likes to focus on.
The impact of this is enormous in the sense of the law of attraction and manifestation. Not to mention in the positive energy that we would be putting out. We hear about this all the time how we need to ask for what we want, we need to visualize what we want and you can create it. I do believe this, but I have to say it wasn’t till I started playing with my imagination did I realize I was missing the one critical component to the formula for manifestation. We need to just let our imaginations soar. See when I used to try to manifest things into my life I would visualize and then my adult brain would kick in and come up with the specifics on how this needed to happen or how it is not plausible (just like with the teapot). Now that I am playing with my imagination, it is not restricted in the logistics anymore, I just get to imagine what I want and truly feel into it and that is the winning recipe for manifestation!

I do have to say I am still working on imagination but the more I work the easier it gets, and the more I feel my creativity and play coming back to me and it feels fantastic.

Now I know where all the unicorns went, my adult brain banished them into the darkness like it did my imagination (and every other disowned part of myself), and it only took conscious intention to bring them out of hiding!

Is Your Workplace Toxic?

Posted on August 31, 2018August 31, 2018

We spend the majority of our time and energy at our careers. Therefore, a really important question you need to ask yourself is, “is my workplace healthy for me?” Here are some ways to help you answer this question:

Fear

Is your workplace characterized by fear? Do you and your co-workers live in fear of making a mistake? or Does your work place see mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn? Does it foster a sense of security? Where you can challenge yourself to grow and take risks? or Is it marked by anxiety; where you live in a state of fear that you will be reprimanded, ridiculed or fired for any misstep.

Workplaces that are covered with fear are missing the opportunity for growth, improvement and harmony. People need to feel safe, to be willing to take risks and think outside of the box. When we are in a state of fear then we are not willing to take risks; it’s unsafe.

Another consequence of a workplace cloaked in fear is that people are unwilling (because they are scared) to take responsibility. Employees feel unsafe to admit when they have made a mistake or things didn’t go as planned; no one wants to be accountable. To save themselves people blame others and “throwing others under the bus”. This is not a supportive environment instead it pits everyone against each other, as everyone is in fear/survival mode.

Let You Shine

Does your place of employment recognize your strengths, and let you shine those strengths! Are you empowered to be creative, to use your strengths, to try something new because you know you are good at it? When we are allowed to shine it benefits everyone. For example, if you are really good at writing reports are you given the opportunity to demonstrate a new format for yearly reports or is that “not part of your job description”. Do your co-workers and superiors recognize your strengths and foster your growth?

When we are allowed to shine we thrive. When we feel that we are respected, and our talents are being utilized we are more committed; we feel like we have purpose.

Focus on the Positive

Does your workplace focus on the negative or the positive? Yes, I understand things go badly, but do they focus on moving forward, or do they focus on the negative and keep you there. For example, when something goes wrong do they take a holistic view, or do they continue to focus on what went wrong rather than what needs to happen to improve? Is it more about reprimanding people and keeping them in line or is it about moving forward?

Even the overall feel of the place, are people more likely to speak negatively about the organization and coworkers or are they more likely to have positive things to say. Does the energy of the place feel heavy and dark or is it generally light and enjoyable?

Valued

Do you feel valued? Do others on your team make you feel valued no matter what your role is, from Executive Director/CEO, to the mai room or admin staff. All people on the team have value, and the whole organization would not work if everyone wasn’t doing their tasks. If people on the bottom of the totem pole are treated poorly because they are considered replaceable this helps to create the fear I already talked about. It also causes issues at the foundation of the organization. A strong foundation is the building block and if that is shaky because employees are not valued at this level then it will crumble.

Can you Communicate Honestly

Are you able to communicate honestly with others on your team? There is nothing worse than having to censor yourself because your honest communication is not welcome. Of course, we need to choose our words, and be professional, but if we are not able to be honest, this weighs on us. Lying takes a lot of energy and requires us to constantly be on guard. If we are not able to have honest communication in our workplaces it adds a lot of stress to us and the overall feeling of the organization.

There are always things that can improve, and if you feel that you can be honest and open about it then you are more invested and feel valued by the organization. Even tough conversations are easier when we can be honest!

We spend most of our time at work. Shouldn’t our workplaces be overall a positive experience for us? If you find when you are reading this that your workplace might be toxic for you, then you need to ask yourself ‘is this job more important than my well-being?’ You can imagine if you are feeling it is toxic then others are too, and you have the power to change that, even if that means you just change your own perceptions, perspectives and attitude!

3 Ways to Bring Back Balance!

Posted on August 21, 2018August 21, 2018

Last week I talked about the issues with work~life balance and how that imbalance is unhealthy for us. This week I am going to give you some tips on how to create that balance for yourself.

Prioritize.

Make creating balance a priority. If you do not set balance as a priority you will easily fall back into familiar patterns and let your work take over your life. There are a few ways you can do this:

Set a schedule to help yourself build a new habit. Make a weekly schedule every Sunday for the upcoming week. Schedule in your work time and then schedule in the rest of life. Put in hobbies, family time, you time and anything else that you want to include outside of work. By scheduling it, you are committing to doing it, and showing how important it is to you.

Make a priority list. Write a list of all the things that you want to do, all the things that you have put off because there are “not enough hours in the day”, and start working on the list. Commit to yourself to do at least 5 things on the list a week. Make sure your list is not just a list of chores but fun things too!

Clock Out.

When you leave work, clock your mind out too! Practice mindfulness and be aware when you are thinking about work out of work time, and gently bring your mind back to the activity at hand. Whatever you are doing stay in the present with your attention focused on the activity. Even if that is just watching TV, do it wholeheartedly! This will also be a good time to notice how often your thoughts are straying to work. If you find you are starting to think about work, remind yourself that you want balance; bring your thoughts back to the present activity. If something really important comes to mind and you are unable to refocus yourself, then write yourself a note to look at tomorrow on work time, then go back to the present activity.

Start Re-Defining Yourself Outside of your Career.

Do some soul searching and look at all the things you are outside of your career. What other parts of you are there in the shadows that are not part of “work” you. This is a great time to look at hobbies that interest you, social groups, or classes that spark your curiosity. Do things that have nothing to do with “work” you. For example in my ‘spare’ time I used to read books on psychology, or social programs that had to do with “work” me. Now my hobby is my photography which has nothing to do with coaching, but lights my soul up.

Also, try playing with your communication, when people ask you what you do? Try answering with something other than work or at the very least put work last. Instead of I am a social worker, nurse, accountant, executive, lawyer etc, try answering with “I am a mother, daughter, wife, photographer, artist, musician (or other hobby), then end the sentence with “and a social worker, nurse, accountant, executive, lawyer etc. This may feel really hard and you may get some looks. By changing our language, we change the message we send to ourselves, this simple step helps you realize you are more than your career. You have many roles start highlighting some of those!

This can be challenging, a lot of us love our jobs, but the thing is we are more than that one role. We need to start defining ourselves as all of who we are, not just our careers. I know since I have found balance and made these changes I feel more complete. I no longer define myself by my career and that feels amazing!

I completely understand that many of you have important jobs and when you are reading this you might be skeptical, you might be saying “my career is important”, “I need my job to live” and those are probably true, but YOU are also important. Your job may come and go, if you restrict the definition of who you are to your career, then you are missing out on all the other wonderful aspects that are a part of you, too! Not to mention if there comes a time when you want to make changes, if you have completely defined yourself by your career then you won’t be able to see beyond that; to other possibilities and opportunities. We are all constantly growing, and life is ever changing we need to be able to be all of who we are not just a single aspect!