Have you ever spent time with people who live the glass is half empty lifestyle? No matter what is happening, they ALWAYS have something to complain about! I have to admit I struggle with people like that. I am definitely the glass is half full personality. Through my years working with people, I have come across this personality trait many times. It is still one of the hardest ones for me to deal with.
I find when you are around a negative person it just feels draining, it’s like they are sucking the energy right out of you. Or is that just me? With the holidays around the corner, we are all bound to run into some negative people – angry shoppers, annoyed drivers, stressed out coworkers – all of which can dampen our holiday spirits, but only if we let it! Here are a few ways to protect yourself from the negativity and help you have a happy holiday season.
It’s Not About You
I think this is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. I think a lot of the time we tell ourselves that it is maybe something we did or said that put this person into a negative mood. We think if we would have been nicer, smiled more or were friendlier, then they wouldn’t act this way. This couldn’t be further from the truth! When someone is in a negative place they are choosing that. Maybe not consciously, but it is their choice and you are not responsible! You are only responsible for yourself. No matter what you did, or did not do, you can NOT make anyone feel anyway. The reverse is also true they can NOT make you feel anyway either. So, when you encounter one of these negative people, remind yourself “It is not about me”. If you do feel that you have offended someone, then apologize but don’t take the responsibility of their crappy mood, they have a choice!
Not Your Responsibility to Lift their Mood
I felt for years it was my job to “fix” peoples moods (there is still a little voice inside me at times). I felt it was my responsibility to make them feel better. To help them become more positive. I used to try and point out the silver lining, or try to show them the positive side. This is a skill that works well in my own life, but when someone is being negative they often find ways to rain on anything you may point out, which can be frustrating and draining. What I realize now is it is not my responsibility to “fix” other peoples’ moods. It is not even my business how they are choosing to feel. This may sound harsh but unless I am given the invitation, I try to leave people to it. This revelation has mainly come about from the fact that I realize now we all have to face our feelings and that we if we choose to, we can learn from every situation. Therefore, by me trying to fix their mood, I am robbing them of the opportunity to learn and grow.
Despite being able to see how much pain and suffering negative people are in (knowing it is not my responsibility to “fix” them), I still want to help. Having been in a negative frame of mind from time to time, I understand that this is an uncomfortable, unpleasant place to be. Therefore, I understand, that on some level this person is suffering. I choose to use compassion. Either out loud or in my mind, I send the negative person compassion for their suffering. This is as simple as stating “May you find peace”. This simple statement can sometimes switch their mood. Even if it doesn’t, it feels good to hold a space of hope and compassion for them, even if for just a minute.
Remove Yourself from the Person
You have a choice when faced with negativity: You can choose to remove yourself from the situation, by simply excusing yourself or, if that is not possible and you are forced to be in the situation, you can choose to not allow their energy to affect you. This can be done by simply making a conscious effort to not let their energy cloud over you. Say in your mind “I choose not to let this energy affect me.” Or “I block all negativity from affecting me”. By saying this, you are setting the intention to protect yourself. It’s almost like you are putting up an energetic barrier to protect you.
Set Your Boundaries
If you don’t like it, set your boundaries. Tell the person the truth. If you don’t like the behaviour, tell them; if you want them to be a part of their life but don’t appreciate the negativity, tell them that too. You deserve to have boundaries and they deserve to know the truth! Be kind but firmly state what you want. Maybe it’s saying something like “I enjoy our friendship, but when you are being so negative, I struggle to be around you. I would appreciate if you kept your negativity to yourself when we are together” or “I find it difficult to hear you always complaining, I like spending time with you, how can we make this work?”. Trust yourself, you will find the right words. If you really want this person in your life but are having difficulties with the negativity, tell the truth! Check this out, for more tips on setting boundaries.
These 5 steps can help you protect yourself from the negativity around you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be positive and reduce the negativity in your life. You deserve a happy, positive life! Try these tips over the holidays because there surely will be people you will run into who are in a negative frame of mind!