Recently I was listening to Louise Hay (whom I love) and one of the affirmations she said was “I am my own best friend.”. That really struck me and got me thinking in a whole new way! I really asked myself, am I my own best friend? If you would have asked me a year ago I would have had to answer “NO”. I would never speak to my friends the way I speak to myself, at times. I have never told a friend “you can’t do that”, “you are not enough”, “you are going to fail” … you get the point. Now don’t get me wrong I pride myself on being honest with my friends. I also pride myself on being an optimist and cheerleader for my friends, I believe we are all capable of anything. Now I would not consider myself having low self-esteem and I am confident in many areas of my life but there is that inner critic voice inside me that seriously questions my abilities at times!
I am in a process of learning to accept all parts of myself, including this sometimes cruel inner critic. Through coaching I have realized that my inner critic has a very important role. She is my protector trying to save me from getting hurt and in its own way making sure that I am not caught off guard, ensuring that I see things from every angle. She is like the cautious friend who is afraid of taking risks! I have also learned that once I give her a chance to speak her mind she tends to quiet down.
I don’t think I am alone in this; we all have an inner critic. They like to speak up especially when we are planning on doing things outside of our comfort zones (that’s when mine is the loudest). I have learned now to hear what she has to say, give gratitude for her protection and insight and then move on. This has helped enormously because before I was trying to just ignore her or drown her out, unsuccessfully! Like a toddler having a tantrum she just got louder and louder. It wasn’t till I listened to her concerns and really gave her a voice that she became less powerful!
So going back to the original question am I my own best friend, I guess the answer is “YES I am!”. Even the inner critic is my friend, my very cautious friend but still a friend none the less.
Here I sit debating about what to write on my premier blog feelings of fear and doubt are showing up as I am the Facebook friend who NEVER posts; likes and the random comment is the extent of my sharing things publicly! Writing a blog that’s completely uncharted territory! So here goes…. Welcome to my Journey to Wholeness!
It has been the best of times and the worst of times over the past almost 2 years. I have been on a personal growth journey to wholeness that started with my husband passing away. This bombshell rocked me to my core and shook my life up in a way that has forever changed me. I want to say, it’s not that I was unhappy in my previous life, things were good we had a plan! We both held positions we enjoyed and had a life that was fulfilling….. or so I thought! Looking back now I can recognize there was this quiet whisper inside me saying there is more, so much more! But I was too busy with life to listen!
I loved my position in the human services working with people has always been my passion. Sure it was stressful but what a great feeling being able to support people in attaining the lives that they desired. The discord came from seeing people desperate to make changes in their lives, trying what they could, to make those changes and in most cases make some but what I was noticing was that as soon as things got difficult in their lives or they hit a roadblock they would revert back to old patterns. It was clear they had all the intention but something was lacking. So I would help them pick up the pieces, dust them off and send them back on their path. Over and over and over! This commitment and dedication and overall resilience inspired me! It was just so heart breaking to see so many individuals trying so hard to only be back in almost the same place. Don’t get me wrong there were success and most times each time they fell it wouldn’t be quite as low down as the last time. So there was progress. From an outsiders perspective there just seemed to be something sucking them back down.
My observation through the years, we operate on a set of beliefs, fears and patterns which in most cases are laying just below the surface. They rule over our internal dialogue, external actions and our perceptions. Over my years of work, it became so clear to me that when it comes to making changes in life there is always a reason you are in the situation in the first place. Whether consciously or not (most times not consciously) we make choices that keep us stuck in these same old patterns. If we are unaware of these patterns then we are bound to keep repeating them and they keep playing out in our lives.
If you were to really truly able look at your life from an outsiders perspective the patterns start to show, if you could really objectively hear internal and external dialogue then your beliefs and fears start to present themselves. (PS. This is what a life coach does and why it is such a powerful relationship!)
The positive here is once we become aware of these patterns, beliefs and fears we have a choice! SO through awareness we have a choice if they are serving us – great! If not its time to make some changes!
Back to my story…This is where I found myself! My husbands passing became the catalyst to push me to what I had always known on some level. With love and support I started to recognize those patterns, to really listen to the internal and external dialogue and started taking stock of my life. For this I am grateful! That may sound weird to be grateful for such a trauma but that is where I am at!
This bombshell has given me the opportunity to grow, something that I probably wouldn’t have done on my own, like I said I was not necessarily unhappy before, but looking back now I can see just how unfulfilled I was and in comparison to how I feel now, wow what a difference. I can truly say for this I am grateful! I know there will be roadblocks and detours but that is the fun of growing and learning! This is my journey to wholeness (of which I am still on) and I am loving it!
So welcome to my journey! My vision for this blog is to inspire others on their journey and create a supportive community for others to turn to while they travel their road! Please join me it’s much more fun to travel with a group!
If you have already been reading on the website you are familiar with my story. This is an interview that I did with my Mentor Feroshia Knight. I have to confess it was my first interview and being in front of the camera is not something I am used to, although I guess with all the other new challenges I am embracing in my life this one was a must. I hope you enjoy learning a little more about me and how my life has been forever changed after I went through one of the 5 D’s.
To me it just makes sense, we are complex unique individuals and our lives do not happen in a vacuum. This is why I really believe in whole person coaching. Every aspect of our lives is an intricate web with all aspects of ourselves showing up in every area of our lives. If we are having issues at work then this will inevitably affect our relationships, our home life and us personally. That is why when we are looking at making some adjustments its important that we not only focus on the issue at hand but also the effects positive and negative that these adjustments will have in the other areas of our lives. This is true of big changes as much as it is with the smaller ones.
Learn about Whole Person Coaching from Feroshia Knight. Feroshia is the inspirational creator of Whole Person Coaching, she is passionate about people and every time I speak to her I leave feeling energized. Please enjoy this video and the wealth of information it can provide.